Thank you for your prayers

A lot of craziness has happened since Wednesday.  Eric had an endoscopy on Thursday, and radiation on Thursday and Friday.  Friday at noon Eric started throwing up, and it continued into the night.  Saturday morning we went to the BMT clinic at LDS hospital because he was dehydrated.  We very naively assumed Eric would get an IV bag of fluid to rehydrate him and we would return home in a couple of hours.

Eric's dehydration aggravated his liver and kidney problems and his numbers were so bad they decided to admit him to the inpatient section of the BMT clinic.  This brought back a lot of bad memories for Eric, especially having to be permanently connected to the IV pole.  Throughout the day the medical staff kept adding new medications and changing old ones to try to stay on top of everything that was happening.  When I left the hospital in the evening Eric was not happy to be there, but doing okay.

When I arrived back at the hospital early Sunday morning, Eric looked terrible.  It had been a horrible night.  His chest/abdomen were distended, his eyes looked swollen, and even the shape of his face was different.  Because they needed more access to his veins than his newly imbedded port allowed, they took him to get a PICC line installed.  His platelet count Sunday morning was barely high enough to allow the procedure.  When they brought him back he was bleeding from the PICC line, a lot!  They applied two different patches that contained clotting factor and a pressure bag, but it continued to bleed like the proverbial "stuck pig".

When the doctor came by in the early afternoon we asked her to tell us what all the numbers were, and what they really meant.  She said the main thing we needed to know was that Eric's blast cells had more than doubled overnight.  The chemo Eric was on takes three rounds over three months to ramp up enough to make a difference, and they had already reduced the number of days he could have the chemo because it was damaging his liver.  So if the cancer is doubling overnight and the chemo isn't going to make a difference for three months, you can understand our dilemma. 

We talked it over for a few minutes and let the doctor know that we were calling it quits and wanted to go on hospice.  She was very supportive and instructed the nurses to do everything possible to give us as much help and support as was needed to get out of the hospital and make the transition.  Even though the entire BMT inpatient staff was overwhelmed with patients this weekend, they were exceptional at making us a priority.

At our first consultation with the BMT clinic back in June of 2013, they had said that they would do everything possible to support us as we fought Eric's cancer with their state of the art medical capabilities, but the moment we said we would like to switch to a different strategy they would support us 100% in that choice also.  They have been true to their word, first as we chose to go on maintenance chemo and now as we have chosen to go on hospice.

When they finally unplugged Eric from the IV pole, it felt to me like a big weight was suddenly lifted off of my shoulders.  As we drove home Eric said how great it felt to be going home.

A lot of people fasted and prayed for us this weekend.  As we were driving home it hit me that their faith and prayers had been a tremendous help in giving us the experience we needed and the clarity to know what we should do next.  Eric had always said that he didn't want to bleed to death from a thousand paper cuts, and if we had stayed at the hospital and continued to be plugged into the medical system, that is what would have happened.   They have an obligation to try to fix each problem as it comes up, and challenges had piled up at an alarming rate from Saturday morning until Sunday afternoon.  We had been given a preview of what the future held for us if we stayed within the system.

It has been emotionally wrenching and time consuming to tell immediate family, and we are sorry we are not able to call or email each of our friends and family members personally to let them know of the changes in our situation and our recent decision.  Eric and I have been blessed with an overabundance of kindness and support during this difficult journey, and we appreciate it so much.

Eric had a much better night last night.  We met with hospice this morning and they have arranged for Eric to have a blood transfusion tomorrow morning because he lost so much blood after the PICC line was installed.  I think he will feel a lot stronger after that. 

Obviously there is no predicting when nature will take its course, but I have reassured Eric that if he has the chance to slip away to the other side sooner rather than later, I want him to take it.  If you have ever hiked, or walked, or driven, with Eric, you know he is always impatient to see what is around the next corner.  Curiosity and the desire to learn new things have always been a large part of who he is.  I think he will be impressed with the opportunities to learn and grow as he passes into the next life.  I just hope there is a small corner of it with a slot canyon or two for him to explore.